fitbyjesus

Balance …one of my biggest struggles. Over the past few years it has gotten better but it is still an everyday struggle for me. I used to live life with an all or nothing mentality.

Back in high school I was very motivated to stay healthy. After years of playing lacrosse and basketball, I decided to try a fun, new class at the gym called Kickboxing Boot Camp. People were dropping lots of weight and becoming very physically fit. After I survived my first class, I was hooked. Not only hooked, but I couldn’t get enough. I loved how good I felt after completing a class that would burn almost 1,000 calories. My legs and arms would be shaking when I would be driving home from the gym but I was at a heathy weight and was seeing definition in my muscles. I stopped playing team sports and started doing the class 6 days a week. They didn’t have a class on Sundays or I probably would have gone 7 days a week. At the time, I remember my lunch consisting of celery sticks, 2 table spoons of peanut butter and raisins … Yes I would have ants on a log for lunch. I took my exercising and dieting to the extreme.

Fast forward 2 years to college at the University of Dayton. After having some struggles at school, I decided I needed to come home. It was one of the lower points in my life. At this time, there was no exercise at all and my diet consisted of whatever I craved at the time and whatever soothed me.

In my years since college, this has been the cycle that has repeated over and over. From intense workouts and unrealistic diets to no exercise for months and periods of binge eating. My habits were dependent on my mood and how I was feeling. Since turning my life over to God, I have definitely found joy and peace in my life but have still felt the struggle to have balance. I am definitely living a healthier life the past 5 years but still on the roller coaster of ups and downs.

I starting running 4 years ago and even took that to the extreme. 4 years ago I completed my first 5k where I actually ran the whole time without walking. I spent the whole race in prayer. Praying for God’s help to give me strength and to help me to not quit running and then praying prayers of thanks for His continued help. “He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 That race I relied on His strength to get me through and crossing that finish line was one of the best experiences in my life. I didn’t stop there. After that, I completed a 10k in Richmond. And 3 years ago I decided I couldn’t be satisfied with just jogging 3 – 4 miles a few times a week, I wanted to take it to the next level and train for the Baltimore half marathon. I trained and completed the half marathon but this time I tried to do it in my own strength hurt myself in the process. I had bone spurs for months and I was in such pain when I crossed that finish line that the victory of completing a half marathon did not matter. I had actually felt defeated.

I have learned over and over in my life that the best plan for me is one in moderation and balance. Not only in diet and fitness but in all areas of my life such as work, family, friends, church and even helping others. I have had to work hard at find balance in my life and sticking with it. I make sure that I have time in my day and week for myself and for God and then prioritize around that. After finding balance in my life, it has carried over to my food and fitness. I eat healthy but also enjoy some small treats in moderation. And my fitness plan right now it just making sure I ‘MOVE’ for at least 30 min for 3 days a week. That may be going for a walk or a run on the trail. I don’t feel guilty anymore if I just take a nice walk because my goal is to just move. I still plan on training for 5k’s and an occasional 10k but I do not plan on any more half marathons in my future. My plan is moderation in all areas of my life. And guess what?! …. It is working! Imagine that.

If you are struggling with the ups and down in life and living the all or nothing mentality like I did, my pray for you is that you find peace and balance in Jesus. He has lead me down this path and helped me to find balance, peace and joy. Take some time and examine what areas of your life need balance. Pray with a willingness to change and surrender it over the God who created you. I promise He will not let you down.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.^” Proverbs 3:5-6

2 weeks ago I ordered a new pair of running shoes. This was my first 10lb reward. Through this weight loss process I have decided to have a reward system. For years I would treat myself to a “cheat meal” if I had a good weigh-in. I starting to think that maybe it was not a good idea to reward weight loss with food. So I came up with another plan. Every time I hit 10lbs I will reward myself with something I really want. Since I am living on a budget right now, this is a way to treat myself to something I would not normally be buying myself. Here are a couple of my rewards I have planned for myself:

New running shoes

New hair style and highlights

Gym membership

1 hour massage

Make-up makeover and new make-up

New Pandora ring (I might have a small addiction to buying their rings so I have banned myself to have to wait for my reward to buy one)

New dress

1 night stay at Lake Pointe Inn at Deep Creek Lake

I have picked rewards that will help me to work on myself. So far I have lost 24lbs and have gotten my new running shoe for my 1^st 10lbs and last week I got my hair done with some highlights for my 2^nd 10lb reward. 6 more pounds until my 3^rd 10lb reward and I am thinking about getting my make-up makeover and buying some new make-up. This has definitely been a fun way to lose weight and reward myself and I highly recommend it.

For years I have battled with my weight and many diets. The funny thing is I know exactly how to lose weight and always have. It is all about what you are putting in your body. Broken down real easy – calories in have to be less than calories burned. I am also watching fat and carbs. I have not cut them completely out of my diet but reduced the amount I eat. But I have known all of this since I was in high school. So why has this been so hard for me? And I am sure I am not the only one. It is the mental battle where I struggle.

I watched Dr. Phil years ago and he said that the biggest issue to loose wright is the battle going on in our own heads. This was very true in my case. I know how to eat right, I know how to exercise. With all of my time with trainers over the years, I could probably become one myself.

5 years ago when I turned my life over to God, I started working with a life coach. There was a lot of heart ache, hurts and bitterness that I needed to finally let go. Forgiveness of others that have hurt me was key. All that bitterness and unforgiving was like a cancer in my body, holding me back from true peace in my life and in my mind. It has been a long but very beneficial process. Through the process I have learned how, with just a willingness to forgive and turning it over to God, will allow Him to completely change my heart and give me such peace and joy.

Even after letting go of all of that I was still struggling and could not figure out why. I would eat right for 2 week and then have a bad day and give in and then I would totally be “off my diet.” I went to a nutritionist back in February to figure out what I was doing wrong. He looked at my food journal of what I was eating and told me it was great and that he wouldn’t change a thing. But the one thing he pointed out to me was life changing. Every time I ate something that was not a part of my acceptable foods, I would have such guilt and shame that I would completely throw all of the good work I had done away. I would beat myself up and make myself feel bad for giving into a temptation. And then I would self-sabotage and continue to eat bad stuff … always telling myself I would start over on Monday. That was always my diet starting day. When-ever I messed up, which mostly happened on the weekends, I would just enjoy the rest of the weekend and start over on Monday. Which did not get me far. The nutritionist told me that no “diet” is perfect and that no person is perfect and I needed to give myself some grace. Wow, was that really the key to my weight loss? Yes! Even though the nutritionist didn’t help me at all with my food, the visit was priceless.

I hope this little bit of information that I have learned through this process helps you as much as it has helped me. I have learned that it is okay to indulge in moderation. Once a week I will have one meal that is still healthy but is over my normal calorie amount. It has worked for me and I hope it works for you.

Letting go of the guilt I had when I would eat something that was not a part of my food plan was instrumental in my success in weight loss. I still struggle with guilt and anytime I start to have shame I just think that guilt and shame are definitely not of the Lord and his grace is definitely more than enough so I should also give myself grace.

“Cast your cares upon the Lord for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7